13 Jul 2019 32 comments

Let’s Talk… Getting Through A Low Point.

On looking after you…

Okay so this is a pretty spontaneous post from me! I’m going rogue with my blog schedule today and bringing you something that I needed to put down in words while it’s fresh in my mind. If I need to read this right now, chances are someone else needs a reminder too.

Three years ago almost exactly I wrote this post, and it’s something I come back to time after time. Nothing in there is entirely groundbreaking, but it’s rituals we can all do to make life just that little bit more manageable. When you’re in a funk, I think breaking things down like this makes everything seem doable.

I’ve mentioned before that this year has been a bit of a test; breaking my wrist and having an operation was not what I needed at the start of summer, and with my cervical issues and some other personal matters, I’ve been having a bit of a time!
I’m doing good overall, but I know how easy it is for me to not feel fine, so whatever I can do to make sure I’m on track is so beneficial to myself now and also in the future too. It’s important to be self-aware and always thinking of ways to improve yourself, if you ask me!

Reassess Where You’re At

If you’re having a wobble, now is a good time to take stock and think about what’s getting you down. Perhaps a lot of it is out of your control, but there’s going to be something in that list that you can at least work towards.
As you’ll all know, I’m big on setting myself manageable goals that I can slowly work towards and I think times like these are when they really work to help me look at the bigger picture.

Everything from your work situation to your finances to your relationship is capable of being worked on, so it’s the perfect time to reassess and make some small changes for the better. I always think of myself as a work in progress, I’m constantly trying to improve on myself. There’s that saying that goes like, the longest relationship you have is with yourself, so putting that in to practice is so important.

Focus On What You Do Have

Now is also the time to focus on the positives, which I know can be tough if it seems like there’s little to be upbeat about. Around ten years ago when I was going through a particularly rough time after a breakup, I read somewhere that you should wake up and make a mental list of five things you’re grateful for. You do this everyday and you start to embrace a more positive attitude over time.

To this day I still do something similar, it’s such a boost to my mental health and I find it helps to put things in perspective too. I start with the basics and work my way back; I’m healthy, I have a roof over my head, I manage my finances well, I have family and friends who love me, I look after myself.

One thing I’ve had a hard time with right now is that usually I think a lot of what’s bothering me can be eased with exercise. I would say I primarily go to the gym to keep my mind at it’s best, but for the last five weeks I haven’t been able to commit to my usual workout routine. Where I usually start my day with the gym, there’s been a gap in my schedule which throws my whole day off. I’m not sleeping as well, I feel restless and out of balance.
Of course, I’m through the worst of it now, but it’s knocked me off course regardless! I guess what I should take from this is that things pass, it gets better, it pays to be patient!

Be Gentle With Yourself

If I’m going through a busy/stressful time, feeling the force of hormones or whatever, I know it’s important to go easy on myself and indulge in some simple self-care.
I find that aspects of my job can be hard to manage if I’m not feeling myself – like spending a lot of time on social media, having my photo taken or being social at events and meetings. On days when I have to do all or any of these, I just take it easy. I don’t promise myself or anyone else anything big, and I try not to get myself worked up either. Tomorrow is a new day and another chance to do better!

So I cut back on time spent on social media (who will really miss me if I take a break for a few days?), I make sure to have early nights, I eat well, I’m kind to myself and I spend time with the people I feel safe with. I have an amazing support group, so it doesn’t seem out of place if I randomly drop my nearest and dearest a message saying “listen, I’m in a funk… I love you guys, but I’m taking a bit of time for myself” – I’m always, always met by incredible messages of support in return.

Keep Your Head Down

Recently I hadn’t heard from one of my best friends in a while, so I sent her a message to see how she was. Her reply was “I’m doing okay, work has been a lot so I’m just trying to nail the basics” and it totally resonated with me. Sometimes all your energy is spent just getting through the week, and that’s totally fine.
In these instances I think it helps to just go through the motions, do what you can to get by, and let things pass with time.
I also don’t think you should feel bad for cancelling plans (if you think it’ll actually help, sometimes getting out there and seeing your besties is the cure!), put yourself first and don’t indulge in even a second of guilt.

Find Your Purpose

Life can become a bit of a continuous, monotonous cycle of work, chores, bills and bad news as an adult! There are some days where I’m simply getting by, waiting for the weekend to roll around and feeling a bit like I’m stuck on a loop.
Recently I’ve been wondering if there’s more I could be doing, in regards to feeling like I have a purpose. Since opening the coffee shop, I’ve been hoping to get involved in some more community activities or maybe take part in a befriending service.
I think having something to focus on on the side is so important – even if it’s just an Etsy side hustle, a book club, a regular gym routine or spending time with elderly family members. Anything that gives your days a bit of substance is always going to be beneficial!

Check In On Your Loved Ones

I’m big on checking in on my friends. If someone has been quiet in our group chat, I’ll message them privately to make sure everything’s okay. This goes for any sort of anniversary/Mother’s Day etc. too. It might seem slightly awkward to randomly reach out at first, but it definitely becomes second nature after a while! You have no idea how much a simple “how are you getting on?” message can help someone feeling low. It’s a chance to start a conversation, at the very least.

A while ago, I sent my best friends a message in our group chat saying that I’d had some bad news, and that I just wanted to let them know. I told them that I didn’t want to speak about it, I was dealing with it quietly in my own way, but I wanted them to know and be mindful of it – because of course it was going to have days where it got me down.
That was a while ago, and they still honour it. I can talk about it when I feel like it, and they will offer advice, but we only speak about it on my terms. It may sound odd, but that’s how I’m coping with it and it really, really works for me.
My friends will still check in on me in general, but I find it so reassuring to know they’re there if I need them but there’s no reminders of it when I don’t want to think about it.

Side note: we took these photos at a little place called Split Apple Rock in New Zealand and I love them. The sun was out and it had a beautiful autumnal golden glow to it, and I felt like I was… I’m not sure, at peace I guess. Even though our trips to New Zealand are bittersweet, I love being back there. Although sometimes it feels like I’m being pulled in two directions, I consider myself lucky to have two homes.

Set Yourself Manageable Goals

I saw something recently that said we are just over the halfway point in the year, so it’s a good time to think about any goals you set yourself at the start of the year and how you can make some progress with them. I love that idea, I’m very much in to setting myself achievable aims, as you’ll all well know!

With that in mind, I opened up my Notes app and jotted down what I wanted to get through for the rest of the year – I find it really helpful to have goals to work towards, even if they’re small ones. It gave me such a boost to see everything written down like that, and I know five months is a great amount of time to make a difference.
On my list were smaller goals like get back to the gym now my wrist is better, and bigger goals like have the new flat finished. Even if I don’t fully tick them all off, making progress and working towards something is the important part.

Honestly, life has been a bit of a whirlwind for me lately – so much happening, good and bad in equal measures, and sometimes I just need to decompress and go easy on myself! I know so many of you will feel the same, it’s all too easy to just feel overwhelmed without really knowing why.
I hope this gives you a bit of a boost; we all go through rough patches, but as long as you’re looking after yourself and your loved ones, and you’re moving forward even in small ways, you’re nailing it.

What are some of the ways you get through a low point?

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  • Caroline

    As always, such a lovely post, Kate!

    It is very important to take care of yourself, especially when you’re in a funk and I love how you show/tell us readers some more ways on how to get through low points. I have never thought of the idea of breaking things down into smaller goals, but I will definitely keep that in my mind from now on. (Also, can we please speak about those gorgeous photographs… so lovely!)

    For me, it always helps me to have a day with my best friend, having a good chat and go to a small coffee shop and just have a relaxed day. Of course, this is not the cure for every low point, and if that doesn’t work out, I usually take some me-time, throw on a face mask and read a book and generally just pamper myself.
    It’s the little things that can make a difference, even if it’s just a cup of your favourite tea/coffee/cocoa or dancing to your favourite songs 🙂

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts and views on that, I find your little glimpses of more personal blog entries lovely!

    Hope you have a lovely weekend ahead of you and all the best x

    • Hi Caroline, thank you so much for this heartfelt response! Glad you have found what works for you, sometimes it really is just the simple things! x

  • Lisa Autumn

    I absolutely needed this post! I recently graduated and haven’t found the right job yet. Additionaly, I broke my ankle a few weeks back and it looks like I won’t be walking on my own for another month or two. A lot going on but also ‘nothing’ going on at the same time. I will try to implement your tips! Thank you love.

    x Lisa | lisaautumn.com

    • Hey Lisa. Finding the right job can take time and sometimes you might go through two or three employers to find something that works for you. Deep breaths and try and enjoy everyday as it comes. Sorry to hear about your ankle, I wish you a speedy recovery. x

  • Mariya Zafirova

    Such a lovely post Kate! I wish you only health and happiness!

    Mariya | https://www.brunetteondemand.com/

  • I think being gentle to yourself is the biggest thing! It can be so easy to try and push harder and harder, but that’s the time you need to give yourself a break

    http://www.petiteelliee.com

    Ellie xx

  • Kelly Glen

    This is something a lot of people can probably relate to, I know I certainly do, this has been the way my life has been going for a very long time and not having much hope of things changing for a while. Your suggestions of ways to get back in a better place sound like good ways to help you feel better and it’s something I will have to try.
    I hope your situation gets better soon. It was interesting to have a more personal post from you.
    Take care and all the best.

    • Hey Kelly, thanks for messaging. I hope that these small steps can help get you back on your feet again after a rough patch! All the best to you too! x

  • I have recently gone through a rough spell with my mental health and thankfully I have come out of the other side feeling a lot better in myself! These ways to help get through a rough patch are definitely needed for me! xx
    Lucy | http://www.lucymary.co.uk

    • So pleased that you are feeling better Lucy! x

  • Brynn King

    Such a lovely post! I think with social media nowadays we always feel like we have to have this perfect life but crappy things happen to everyone! I think we just need to realize that sometimes that’s life gets you down and it’s okay to take some time to allow us to feel what we are feeling before we can move on. Things always get better! Thanks for sharing 💕

    Brynn | https://thetopknotbaker.com/

    • That’s so true Brynn, it’s so important to process our feelings! x

  • This is what I needed to read today! I like how you mentioned to check on your loved ones. Sometimes we get so caught up in our own life that we forget about others!

    http://www.lifeslittlemusings.com

  • Natalie Redman

    Focusing on what you do have is so important, I think a lot of us can forget that for sure!

    http://www.upyourvlog.com

  • Elle

    I love this. Totally needed to read this – super timely. Learning how to set myself manageable goals can be the biggest struggle but it pays off. Wishing you the best, Kate <3

    • Glad you got a little something out of reading my post! x

  • Luciana Couto

    It may seem strange to some, but I have learned that the low points can be good. I started the year 2013 at a very complicated place. I was dissatisfied with my work and my love relationship. Waking up in the mornings was a hard task. Then I went to a psychologist and she diagnosed me with depression. I went to see her once a week, created the courage to end the relationship (a few months later I met my husband) and quit my job. I finished the year happier than ever I imagined I could be. Today I’m sure the best thing that ever happened in my life was having been diagnosed with depression. If I had not gone so low, the rest of my life would just be “kind of happy.”
    XoXo, http://www.lucianacouto.com

    • Hey Luciana, thank you so much for sharing this. It is such a positive way of looking at things and I will definitely remember this next time I feel low. x

  • When I find myself going through a particularly rough patch, I prefer keeping my thoughts and feelings to myself. I very rarely want to discuss it with other people and both my family and friends know that, so they’re usually very understanding. When I’m ready to talk about it, then I’ll talk about it, but most of the time, I keep everything bottled up inside. Some people will say that’s bad for you, but it’s what’s always worked for me. Everyone has their own way of dealing with things. I hope you’re doing well xo

    • Thanks for sharing Vanessa! This is an unusual way of dealing with it I guess, but if it works for ya then power to you! x

  • Megan Elizabeth

    I can relate to this so much! I love jotting things down and looking forward to things, makes me feel so much more motivated! Also, I love how supportive your friends are, that’s so lovely! xxx

    https://www.itsmeganelizabeth.blogspot.com

    • I don’t know where I’d be without them sometimes! x

  • 2019 just is a rough year. for me, its the year of change and the unexpected. I’m in a place right now that I never even thought I would be in in the beginning of the year and its so easy to loose touch with everything and yourself in those times. I have been loving taking more time out to myself and focusing on who I am, what I have and grounding myself. I’m currently on the path of finding my purpose. I hope you’ll feel better soon. You look absolutely beautiful in those photos.
    ❤︎

    http://www.elenaisabelle.com

    • Thanks for sharing Elena, I’m sure so many of us can relate! x

  • Caroline

    Sometimes, sometimes, you need to re-built yourself from scratch, take the big leap.

  • Since recently entering adult hood, I have realised it can be a circle of working, chores, paying bills and repeat. It can be tiring to be honest but its good to get your head down and get things done and remember to book fun things to look forward to etc!

    Lucy | Forever September

    • Hey Lucy, you’re totally right! No amount of planning can fully prepare you for adulthood! x