Turning Over A New Leaf.
I’ve been thinking about putting my thoughts in to words (on a screen) for a while now, and now I’m finally attempting it. So here goes nothing! This post is in honour of a new me…
Last year was a really hard year for me, in so many ways. My skin woes reached an all-time low, and my confidence was rocked – because of this, I changed quite a bit and I was, in all honesty, a really horrible person to be around. Maybe some of you even noticed a difference in me.
Looking back, I can’t believe how bad I got… I was incredibly toxic, to myself and probably others around me. I alienated myself, and I’m still trying to fix this even a year or so later. I was bitter, exhausted and full of self-loathing – and it took me so long to realise that I was the problem. No one else, just me.
That realisation hit me like a freight train; I had literally backed myself in to a corner. My work suffered, because I was too insecure to share photos of myself, to film videos, meet people or even chat to you guys online. Even when I did meet new people, I wasn’t exactly a dream to be around. I was miserable, and I made everyone else miserable too!
I was feeling my worst, in a time where everyone else around me seemed to have their shit together. Your mid-twenties is supposed to be a time where things start to fall in to place, right? Not for me.
I’ve mentioned before that I eventually reached a stage where I couldn’t take it anymore, and I actively sought help for my skin and other issues. Thankfully things are really picking up now, but there’s still a lot to work through when it comes to my self-esteem. I’m constantly aiming to improve on myself, I want to be the best I possibly can.
I wanted to share some of these thoughts and aims with you… maybe to inspire you, but also to keep me on track.
01. Feeling good inside and out. It’s true what they say, you know – you are what you eat! Blah blah blah, time to cut down on the Dairy Milk.
I’ve always been quite good at eating well, but I’ve really being making a conscious effort to eat better and live better. Exercise has really helped me to clear my head and feel better about myself. I don’t even think I’ve lost weight, but I really do feel like I’m making a difference in terms of my general well-being.
02. Other people’s success is not your failure. I think this has become my mantra – changing the way I think when someone around me does something awesome has honestly been life-changing for me. It’s too easy to compare yourself to others, to feel like a loser when everyone around you is winning.
I like to keep reminding myself that we are not all on the same path, but that doesn’t mean we’re lost. We have different goals, different timelines and different ideals! We gotta keep on keeping on.
03. It’s nice to be nice. If there’s one thing this whole ordeal has taught me, it’s that you have NO idea what people are going through – their own personal battles. I didn’t really let on that I was struggling – with my skin issues, with a death in the family, with knowing I wouldn’t see my parents for extended periods of time. I just kept to myself, it seemed like the easiest thing to do.
Anyway, my point is that kindness and empathy and good vibes go a long way. No more negativity from me.
04. Say yes! These past 18 months, I turned down everything. Everything. I said no to trips, to hangs with friends, to events, to opportunities, to plans. It got me nowhere.
Obviously, I was struggling with myself and I didn’t want to leave my comfort zone, but I still regret it a lot. Saying that, I feel a lot better having given myself time to work on me.
From now on, I wanna be a yes girl! I want to do fun things, meet people… do everything I said no to before! I really want to change this pessimistic thinking.
05. Don’t be so hard on yourself. This is something I need to tell myself over and over, I am truly my own worst enemy! I definitely do have quite a self-deprecating sense of humour, but I feel like I really need to stop picking on myself all the damn time. So what if I’m not supermodel tall and have thighs like a wrestler. So what if I have a laugh that can be heard two streets away. These things make a person, and it’s about time I embraced these little quirks.
06. No one cares. No one cares that you didn’t wash your hair today, no one cares that you have a little roll when you sit down because your skirt digs in. No one cares that you get nervous telling stories even in little groups, that you’re probably lifting that barbell wrong in the gym, that you feel out of place around certain people.
Everyone is too busy worrying about their own things to worry about what you’re doing. It took me so long to realise this, and when I did it was like a revelation! Why hone in on these small details when no one else gives a shit?
I’m going to make a conscious effort to be someone who makes a difference – someone who is fun to be around, who makes other people feel good about themselves and makes an effort with it comes to friendships and plans and being a lovely person.
Who’s with me on turning over a new leaf?!