10 Oct 2015 79 comments

5 Things: Becoming More Independent.

becomingindependent

One thing I’ve always been proud of is my independence; I’ve been a true adulting adult for almost ten years now, and I’d say I’ve got some good advice to give to others who also want to be able to manage on their own.

This advice sort of stems from coming out of an unhealthy relationship a few years ago; I remember clinging on to this hopeless union in part because I was terrified of going it alone. As we all know, that’s definitely not what relationships are all about, and after the inevitable breakup, I made a vow to myself to never be that clingy, unhappy person ever again. What’s more, I promised myself that I would take charge of my own life, be my own person and live a life that makes me happy and a nice person to be around.
Hopefully you’ll learn a little something from these pointers…

Get Comfortable With Being Alone
I think the first step to being more independent and generally a stronger person is to work on feeling comfortable being alone. It’s all too easy to feel FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) thanks to social media – all of your friends hanging out and no ones thought to tell you? – but this becomes a thing of the past once you’re at one with your own company.
Admittedly, I am a homebody who enjoys nothing more than a night of blog reading and Lush-laden baths, but I do think it’s important to be totally a-okay with being by yourself. This applies to everyone, from singles ladies to those in long term relations and long-distance thangs – a good balance of alone time and socialising is what it’s all about.

No more moping about at home, scrolling through Instagram endlessly while feeling sorry for yourself. Pick yourself up and work on you – go for a walk, make a dream ASOS basket, take up pilates or start a blog. Life is what you make of it!

Be Financially Independent
This one has always been incredibly important to me – being able to survive on my own without help from anyone, be it parents, brothers or boyfriend, is a must. I grew up in a small village in Aberdeenshire so I was always eager to move to a city. It finally came a few months before my 17th birthday, and here I am at age 24 still living away from home! I had a lot of hard times along the way – I didn’t apply for a loan and didn’t qualify for any student support for university, and I remember my parents had just started up a business and had no help financially, so I was surviving on something ridiculous like £30 a month, until I got a job working 25 hours a week on top of my classes. I ate a lot of rice and soy sauce during those times.
Even after university, life was a struggle – I worked in retail for a while and my wage barely covered my rent and bills, and I can still remember that feeling of anxiety come payday. I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s taken me a while to be at a stage where I can afford nice things without having to live in fear of not being able to pay my bills. I am, however, awesome at budgeting and those hard times were a life lesson I’ll never forget!

Take control of your finances – this is especially important if you live with your other half, or if you’re still at home. Use internet banking to keep track of your spending and watch over Direct Debits, and keep an eye on what you spend each month. Make sure you understand how to pay council tax, gas and electricity bills etc. – even if you’re not the one paying them, it’s helpful to understand how to do it.
Don’t be ignorant when it comes to your finances, once you’re clued up on what’s going in and out, you’ll feel like you’ve got this whole adult thing down.

Have Interests + Hobbies
I think humans are needy by design, we really have to work at feeling strong and confident. One thing I think helps a lot when it comes to feeling happy on your own is to have other interests from your other half, friends or whatever. It’s easy to feel clingy in a relationship, or even if you’re single – but being your own person will ensure you’re never feeling that sinking feeling when you don’t have plans.
Your own happiness is your responsibility, so don’t wait around for someone else to improve your mood. As much as I love spending time with my boyfriend, I have a life of my own. I no longer feel sorry for myself when he heads out with his friends, because I’ve got so much going on with me too.

Healthy Relationships!
Of course, healthy relationships make a huge difference to your quality of life. I’m a big believer of cutting ties with toxic friends, and as I age I’m all about a few awesome pals rather than an overwhelming amount of questionable friendships.
Relationships, whether it be with friends, family or your other half, should be about love and support. A good network of loved ones helps you to stand on your own two feet.

Be Good To Yourself
Remind yourself that you can do anything. There is a solution to every problem; start the job search if you’re unhappy with your career, break off that unhappy relationship if things aren’t feeling right, and always remember to work on you.
We spend too much time putting ourselves down, getting caught up with people who don’t treat us right… take charge and promote positivity!
Eat well, get enough sleep, avoid making rash decisions, and take care of your appearance – little things like this contribute to a better lifestyle.

What are your tips for feeling more independent?

  • This post is awesome! I think everyone should try and do things they love on their own! I think you’ve said it all here but I definitely believe that being comfortable with yourself is very important!

    This Damsel Loves Blog

  • S Jones

    These were some very helpful tips! I love the feeling of having some independence, it feels as if i’ve achieved something great 🙂

    Blushhx

  • I love this post. It is all so true. I love being independent, it is lovely having a boyfriend but I would hate not being able to financially look after myself

    Lauren x | http://www.laurenapowers.blogspot.com

  • emily couture

    This is such a great post idea! I Love being independent and having alone time 🙂

    emily xx

    emilycouture95.blogspot.co.uk

  • I’ve always been an independent person for as long as I can remember, so I can really relate to everything you’ve pointed out!

    Jodie, xo // Jodie Loue

  • This is really great advice Kate! I agree, being independent is really important! Love your tips!

    Jasmine | jasminehardingmakeup.com

  • LaurenShh

    I really enjoyed reading this, everything you said is so true and learning to be independent is such an important thing!
    Lauren xx

    http://www.laurenshh.blogspot.com

  • Ellie Patterson

    I’m so bad for commenting on blogposts. I’ll read a really good one and forget to even mention it. But I couldn’t let this one pass. I had no idea you had moved out and taken on adulthood at such a young age. That must have been really difficult but evidently you’ve learnt so much from it. Really good advice you’ve shared. At the moment, I’m struggling with having about 10 questionable friends that I’m clinging on to from my school days, purely because I’m afraid of being “friendless” if that makes sense. Honestly, they’re not friends and I really ought to break it apart and make more of an effort with those that really care. Will save this for reading back again when I’m having a “low point”.
    Ellie
    Elliepats.com

    • Thanks Ellie, means a lot that you took the time to comment.
      I know, I was young and stupid at times. Sometimes I look back and wonder if I was a good person or not… but we all have to learn some life lessons, don’t we?

      I know that exact feeling – but honestly, having people you can really, truly trust and rely on for love + support is so much more special than having a group of whatever friends.
      I feel like as I go through life, some friendships just fizzle out, whereas the special ones stay the same even if we don’t see each other for years at a time. x

  • I really enjoyed this blog post, Kate! Such great advice <3

    http://www.vanityfrills.com
    x

  • Lea

    True and honest words! 🙂 thanks, Kate!

  • Hi, I’m a new reader of your blog and couldn’t not say how much I enjoyed this blog post! A great mind set! Good luck!

  • Khrissie Farrands

    Lovely post Kate. I’m glad I’ve always been alright on my own. There’s nothing better than having a night binging on Netflix with some treats just after a wonderful bath.

    Go you for getting where you are today. Your a great testiment to hard work really paying off

    Khrissie x

  • Particularly good finance tips – I’ve been pretty poor too (when I first moved to London I earned £11,000 which believe me goes nowhere at all down here!) and it really does teach you to be sensible with your cash.

    Becky :: ACCOOOHTREMENTS LIFE + STYLE BLOG

  • Great post, totally agree with everything you said! x

    Brigitte | brigittehayley.com

  • I couldn’t agree more with what you’ve written, particularly about being financially independent. I still have friends who rely on their parents for financial assistance despite working full time, and it’s really made me appreciate learning how to budget from a young age.

    Tessa at Bramble & Thorn

  • This is a great post – lots of really useful info written in an easy to read way. I agree with all of it but particularly the advice re money. Nothing is more guaranteed to sap your confidence than out of control debt. It makes you feel anxious and somehow less that everyone else. Get on top of your finances and you will feel on top of life. Always love your blog but this is a winner.

    http://www.julie-ellen.com

  • This is an amazing post with great tips and advice. I am 28 and I still struggle with independence and reading this post has really motivated me to change. I also think it is amazing you moved away from your family at such a young age, you should be really proud Laura xx

    MissTimelessBeauty

  • The bit about the unhealthy relationship struck a chord with me, as I was in one up to 6 years ago, and this experience and seeing myself so dependent on someone and becoming a mere shadow of who I was gave me the drive to never be that person again and become independent. I have nothing else to add to what you said, but there is something that I hadn’t thought about which is about the quality v quantity of friendships. When you’re single sometimes you want lots of friends but you’re right that a few awesome ones are much much better than lots of ok ones. Thanks for this lovely post.

    Inma x
    sunshineandglow.blogspot.com

  • Great tips! I agree once you feel comfortable being alone it really does help x

    Emma | Emmys Beauty Cave

  • LilaJLilly

    dv

  • Caroline

    Great tips, especially for being financially independent! Although I still get a bit of support from my parents I try to be as independent in terms of finances as I can. So your suggestions hopefully will help me to do this!

    Great post x

  • Soph Cullen

    great post, I’ve only recently felt comfortable being alone, and it’s helped me massively xo

    sophiejc.blogspot.co.uk

  • Stine Friis Hals

    Living alone for a full year after high school was really good for me. I didn’t know a lot of people in my new town, and had to learn how to go to cafés, to the park or a museum on my own. It was really good, and eventuelly I didn’t feel so lonely.

  • This was so helpful and I’m at that point where I’m staring to try and make an effort to be alone and be more independent so this came at the right time.

    Jackie | fashionxfairytale |

  • alice bea

    i needed to read this post!!!

    wiltedxfaded.blogspot.co.uk/

  • This is such a fantastic post Kate, I really want to be financially independent so I can support myself and be able to treat others when I want to show thanks. Also, as a fellow home bird, the endless net-a-porter wishlists are BRILLIANT evening scrolling

    Lauren x

    Britton Loves | Lifestyle Food Beauty

  • Melie

    Thanks for this great post! Bisous from Paris,

    http://www.lubiejewelry.com

  • This is great. I definitely suffer from FOMO but sometimes I need to take a step back and do what I want to do rather than join in with people I don’t necessarily like.

    Jx http://www.feelingstylish.co.uk

  • Really love this post Kate, I feel like you’ve done so well for someone so young so it’s lovely to get your advice on topics like this. All the best xx bonitarochelle.co.uk

  • Tasnim I

    This is a great post and totally agree with everything you’ve written about!

    http://www.tasnim28.blogspot.co.uk

  • Justine Machin

    I love this post. Amazing and inspirational. It’s going to feature in my Sunday Blog Share post tomorrow…. Best read of the week! Thankyou xx

  • Some amazing tips here. I like to think I’m pretty independent too and have been through similar life lessons x

    http://www.wonkylauren.com

  • Anna

    hey kate 🙂 just one short feedback on your website: first, i love it! the only thing that keeps bugging me is that right after clicking on the first post that shows up it switches to the right and then i have to click back. hope that made sense^^
    maybe prolonging the interval in which the different posts are shown would help!?

    • Hmm I’m not sure what you mean… I’ll look in to it though! x

      • Anna

        sorry for confusing you, I guess I’m just too slow 😀 I’ve tried it again and it works if i immediately click on the post!

      • Anna

        oh and I loved the post 🙂 x

  • I love posts like this, they always inspire me to pick myself up and plod on!

    poppyrkay.blogspot.co.uk

  • Loved this so much, Kate! <3 Especially "be good to yourself", it's so true and those little changes can make the biggest differences.

    Meg | meg-says.com

  • These are definitely on point, and some amazing tips to follow. Being independent can be difficult at times, but with these tips, such as finding new hobbies, or just getting your life together, can really help you grow as a person. For me, being independent means to always constantly be growing and learning!

    xx Melody :: http://www.mlmuse.com

  • Ellen Bourne

    Couldn’t agree more about cutting toxic relationships out.

  • This was such a nice, uplifting post to read. The importance of being independent, even while in a long term, serious relationship, is totally overlooked & undervalued. I think it’s a really important aspect of many successful relationships!

    • Completely agree – thanks for your kind words, Katie x

  • This is great advice!!

    xo, Liz
    http://lipstickandconfetti.com

  • completely agree, it’s so important to enjoy your own company and not feel pressured into anything with FOMO, such a pain!

    Emma | Be Happyyy

  • Loved this post! 🙂 every point is so essential <3

  • *Your own happiness is your responsibility* Wise, wise words!

    Xx
    Dayana
    http://www.brushedwithflair.com/

  • I’m just starting to learn what it really means to be independent so this post was super helpful. One thing I’ve been getting good at is feeling more secure with being alone, which is a difficult thing to get used to.

    A Little Dose of Makeup

  • I’m here from your beautiful Instagram! 🙂
    I really needed this right now!
    Holly x
    http://www.theladylifeblog.com

  • missgetaway

    Love, love, love this post kate! I always get so frustrated when payday comes and almost all my money goes into paying my bills and food – adulting can be so exhausting! However, I know that not having a lot of money teaches me so much and I’m utterly grateful for having a part-time job, it is definitely worth the struggle in the end 🙂

    Love, Kerstin
    http://www.missgetaway.com

  • Amazing Post, I totally agree, when I was younger (I am 27years old now) I used to care a lot about the number of friends rather than the quality. As I grew older, I realised that there is no point in having friends who keep making you feel sad, so I am much happier now with a few number of friends which I feel totally comfortable with and that I can tell them anything without feeling judged than having a lot just for the sake of saying I have a lot of friends.

    One thing I am learning to live by is to find 1 positive thing in every situation, even the worst situations in life can turn out to be the best life lessons!!

    xx
    Cheryl
    DaisyCandle

  • Yellowicing

    Oh wow, I so needed to read this today! I’m going through a break up from a very unhealthy relationship and at a crossroads where I’m conscious of my age and whether I can financially afford to go it alone. Great tips, thanks!

    Lucy x- Yellowicing

  • Laura Orves

    I really love this post! Thank you.

    It seems like these days everyone is so desperate to jump into a relationship or move in with a partner etc for all the wrong reasons or because they simply hate being ‘alone’. Being on your own doesn’t mean you have to be lonely, and I can’t agree more that enjoying time with yourself is key to happiness. I would really recommend reading about mindfulness, as it encourages a healthy lifestyle and promotes all the points mentioned.

    Laura x

  • Ahh, I’m currently struggling with the second point. I’ve started a budgeting plan and hopefully will stick to it! My goal is to be financially independent without worrying about going short 🙂

    xx
    http://www.curlsandmints.com

  • Some of the points you’ve made are what I tell myself to do every single day, but I always find that I am too insecure and not confident in myself to accomplish them, so I end up sinking back into my ‘one man pitty party’ and moan about how I don’t go out and socialise more. This post has made me more determined to take charge of my own life- so one day I will be comfortable with being independent- and to control the things that I do. So, thank you 🙂 X

  • Bo

    The financial independence is so so crucial. Ever since I remember I could not wait to get my own place and manage my own life. When I got my first job and consequently my own income it was the best feeling ever. Great post as usual Kate x

  • This was a great post! Thank you 🙂

    Karina xx

    http://www.thekazlightanthem.blogspot.com

  • Rebecca Garaty

    Reading your posts adds a real sense of calm to my evenings! You make a lot of sense and are honest; it’s not always rosy but work hard and love what you do! && the new website/branding is an absolute LOVE for me! 🙂

  • Eleri Roberts

    Such wise advice. Also absolutely love your marble notebook, where is it from? x

    Eleri Roberts

  • Great post, enjoyed reading it! Ever since I moved away from home I have no choice but to become independent, my boyfriend now works away from home every few weeks so I am here in our little house myself a lot. I’m still trying to feel comfortable being on my own, its quite difficult. Definitely so important to be independent and have your own interests as well as joint interests/hobbies x

  • couldn’t agree more with the comfort being alone part- i am getting better with that! I love getting out each day and taking myself to read somewhere, or even just people watch with a cup of coffee 🙂

  • Georgie

    This really resonates with me at the moment! Since just getting out of a tough relationship during which I relied way too heavily on his company, all of the points you have made are so true. Learning to love myself when I am alone has been one of the hardest yet most rewarding things I could do! Thanks for your words of wisdom, looking forward to exploring more of your blog!

    Xx G http://www.comefltwithg.com

  • Candis Hickman

    “It’s all too easy to feel FOMO” – this acronym cracks me up! But all of this is right on point and right on time. Healthy relationships are the foundation of a happy life.

  • Gemma Carey

    Thank you for your great tips. I’m particularly with you on the being comfortable alone. I’ve always been independent – I moved to London on my own at 19 so definitely had to be comfortable alone and financially stable!

    http://www.gemmacarey.com/

  • M.

    I think people oversee the importance of having hobbies and interests. It’s such an essential part of building up your own personality and being yourself.

    xx

    http://landofpermanentbliss.blogspot.com.br

  • Elizabeth

    Such great advice for a person at any age.

  • Thank you so much for this insightful post, Kate 🙂

    I really think learning to be independent, being able to be okay by yourself, and most importantly loving yourself, are the most valuable things a person can learn <3

    Your tips are definitely a great reminder of that!

    xo, elizabeth t.

    http://clothestoyouuu.com/

  • I love being alone, working alone, doing everything alone. I would say I’m not yet financially stable – though my parents still pay for my education and my allowances, I’ve been working every time I get the opportunity to, as I’m studying abroad you see. I’ve been taught to save at a young age so I know the hard times for parents to earn for me.

    http://www.angerawrs.co.uk

  • Kate @Violetdaffodils

    Could not agree more with this post! I’ve been getting more used to the idea of getting comfortable with being alone as earlier this year my brother moved abroad and my parents like to travel abroad a lot more too so I have to look after the house a lot more than I used to and be able to fend for myself, I’ve always been the type to be constantly surrounded by family so this has been a big one for me this year but I’ve enjoyed learning and growing in that respect. I definitely notice a difference in myself for it and it gets you out of your comfort zone which I think is also beneficial too 🙂 and also financially I agree with too, as soon as I was old enough to get a job I’ve never stopped, I love the independence of my own money and paying for my own things. I definitely think learning more about managing finances will help in the long run. I’ll have to refer back to this when I have my own place in future. Thanks for sharing this post, I find this really useful and I’m sure others do too!

    VioletDaffodils

    xx

  • Lauren Kerr

    Ha this is exactly the kind of advice I’m needing right now! great post.

    http://helloitscherry.blogspot.co.uk/

  • I absolutely love this post. I am your age as well and feel like I am finally at an age where I’ve figured out some of these things for myself as well. It’s so important to rid your life of toxic people – I so agree. I’d rather have a smaller network of better, more supportive people in my life than too many friends who don’t really care. Thanks for the post!

    http://www.necessarynothings.com

  • Willow

    Loved this post Kate! I moved out when I was 16 straight into my own flat so learned fast how to be comfortable with my own company (and that of my cats). This experience taught me so much about life skills, cooking (just), cleaning and being financially independent. After 3 years I then moved in with my partner and I am so glad I spent that time alone.

    My biggest tip would be to live alone at least once in your life. You begin to appreciate you and it allows you to be selfish, only worrying about what you want to eat, what you want to watch (in my case, plenty of pesto pasta and horror films) ect. I now find that I don’t over rely on my partner and appreciate the importance of spending time with my friends and myself as well as my partner.

    I also agree with what you mentioned about toxic relationships, I only truly felt like I had become independent when I was able to cut off from my unhealthy relationships – I only managed this just over a year ago and now feel like I have grown so much in that short amount of time. Surround yourself with positive people who enable you to grow 🙂

  • Laura Albouy

    What a great and inspirational post! I could not agree more with you, especially about being good to yourself and financially independent.
    Laura
    http://initialsla.com

  • Being financially stable is the hardest thing to do. I’m still in college and although I excited to finish school, I’m terrified of taking on financial responsibilities and adulting.

    themakeupleague.blogspot.com

  • rae

    This is such a great post and I agree about everything on the list. I am working on the financial independence part though, because I am kind of between jobs at the moment. And it’s very true what you said about learning to be comfortable with being alone.

    Rae | Love from Berlin

  • Rachel

    Wow i really love this post. I especially agree with learning to be okay with being alone, and to have your own passions and to find your own purpose.

    Rachel x
    thehappybits.blogspot.com